The Playground

It's raining now... I can feel the mist around my skin thicken and drip down my hands as I stood under a freshly installed plastic overhead. Thunders began to orchestrate a symphony. Oh the beauty of it's expression. A Masterpiece! I took a deep breath and took in natures free show. The mist turned to rain as I started to walk around the lake. I decided to sit on the swing set I managed to stumble upon and scooped up a handful of sand before it became mud. The sight was beautiful. An old rusted swing set screeching it's noises as I swung but it was easily tuned out by the sounds of thunder and rain drops diving face first into the water. I could see the lake and all the millions of tree's surrounding it and me. Apparently I lost track of time when I realized I've been swinging in the rain for almost 2 hours thinking about how ironic it was to find myself at a playground while feeling for the past 2 months that I've always been a playground to everyone I've come across.

I've made all of them a priority. I've given my all, when before and even now, I was only considered an option to them. Work, friends, and relationships. I think that was my mistake. I put them all first before me. Don't I deserve at least a little thought? I was just a swing set to them to pass the time and entertainment. I was the temporary sight of amazement. A simple song of deep connection and understanding only to get played out at the blink of the next second.

My hair lost it's shape since it felt like I was dipped in a pool so I got off the swing set to walk home. "I'm Sorry." I humbly apologized to the playground. "You don't deserve to be made into a mockery so goodbye and thank you." Suddenly a thought raced through my head as I turned to see the playground alone while the swing slowly swung lonely without a soul. Perhaps it needs someone...Now I feel like I just did to it what is always done to me...I used it...loved it...and walked away.

The noise has reached a silence

This war lasted 4 years. Fighting for my own survival. I've gone through times I've never thought I would ever have to endure. I sold my soul to church. I've been temporarily rich. I almost cut my lifeline through a wedding ring. I've lost homes. I've had my own business. I've traveled a 100 miles just to see someone. I've lied. I've been lied to. I've hurt people. I've been hurt. I've helped people. I've been spat on. I've fed people. I've starved. And all this, just to say...I'm still alive.

Although I'm not in any position to say proudly, "I did it!", I feel that I at least made it through. Constantly my life has hit bombshell after bombshell. So many things I do wish I would've done differently. However, I would probably not be satisfied with the person that I am today. So cheers to the past. For it is what has built my foundation.

I leave in a few hours to another world. Goodbye California. The war has ended. Today marks a day into my history. The day the noise has reached a silence...

The Moon

I remember all the things in life that involved a "yes or no" answer. Whether it was towards a question being asked towards me or a question I asked myself, given the situation or person I would be pondering about.

But...recently this year I've come across something so....so enlightening. Yet I believe I may have destroyed everything....again...

I have this feeling that you are reading this...you know EXACTLY who you are. Whether it would be a few seconds after I post this or a few months, you made history in my life. I've always sat there thinking with a possible yes or no. Yet...this time there was never a "no". There was never anything possibly wrong...Everything was yes. I've never been so sure of something...There was no room for "no", and the very thing that I was 100% "yes" on, ended up being completely wrong...

They say to "Follow your heart"...Yet at the end, It led me to decay. That's until I realized I don't have a heart...so what did I follow??

I can't fix this because I was not prepared...please be safe...because I left the last piece of my heart on the moon. If the moon leaves...so do I...

A little Advice

You need to let the one you love be happy, and if it's without you, then you love them enough to let them go and be happy without you.